The thing that really hurts is that nobody from the Church of England has contacted me since I was sacked to find out how I am and to offer any kind of help. To protect themselves from having to face up to what they did to me they have demonised and excluded me. 

I sent an application form into one of the archdeacons of Durham Diocese the other month for a non-paid, assistant parish priest's job. The archdeacon didn't even bother to acknowledge my application. I never heard anything from him and now I notice the job must have been filled.

I don't think the "senior" staff of the church have any love in them. They have no empathy. To be honest, I doubt if any of them believe in Jesus Christ and his message of reconciliation and restitution. They do not act as if they do. In fact, they act as if we live in a Godless universe where it is every "man" for himself. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. They only care if to do so will be of profit to them personally.

Three years and not one former colleague has been in touch.

I sit alone and cry because this may well mean God is dead. Perhaps God never existed in the first place. If the Church is a sham, an institution of deceit and self-deceit, then why not the god it claims to worship?



  1. Every “God” is at best an imperfect and biased representation of something else, either a genuine source of divinity/higher power or the ideal behind it. A cultural construct.

    As for the (collective) Church, this is the problem of making it mainstream culture for 1500 years. You get people who are cultural Christians who use the institution for their own needs, and even those who think they are selfless don’t know how to relate their faith to anything outside the circular and self-referential perspective they’re locked in.

    When the social pressure and advantages to being part of the Church dry up, such people leave. So do those who are repelled by certain theological and social views or the behavior and attitudes of self-professed Christians. Only those who still want to be faithful/feel some connection to God through the Church, who don’t know any other way and are still comfortable with the status quo, and those who still have something to gain through the system stay.

    That suggests two of the three groups still in the Church aren’t likely to go out of their way to be supportive if you rock the boat or don’t demonstrate value to accomplishing their ambitions. Best to focus on those in the other group, such as you can find them.

  2. {{{MP}}}

    It’s getting harder and harder to deny that the CofE may well be a sham.

    I don’t know if I could do anything for you (ecclesially) if you were on this side of the Pond—but I would certainly try.


  3. The Mad Priest, he was oft caused to wonder
    Why old friendships were all rent asunder
    “Tis because he was flawed,
    Quite unlike our Good Lord”
    (Whose payroll they still weekly do plunder).

  4. I had a similar experience when I had to take early retirement 11 years ago. Nobody asked me to do things any more – that was expected. Nobody cared what I thought – not expected but understandable. Nobody wondered whether I was okay. That was a surprise. But then, would it have been different in any other job? You retire, the work carries on without you.
    One of the things it brought home to me is that I am not as important as I thought I was. For other people, to work with me, seek my help and opinions, etc., was more about me-as-office-holder than I had assumed.
    11 years later I look back and feel that the way I thought I fitted into the system wasn’t at all the way other people saw me.
    None of this tells me anything about God, except that God allows people to be quite uncaring about each other. It tells me more about the Church – that it is an institution like any other institution, except that because people think they are doing God’s work they sometimes permit themselves to behave in ways which would otherwise be considered unacceptable.

    • The same as any other job. Yes, I think that is an accurate indictment of the Church of England.

      A friend of mine on Facebook left this comment: “My point about God is that if you cannot tell whether he/she exists in the world by the actions of those who supposedly believe in him/her then the idea of God just adds an unnecessary complication.”