The good news (gospel) of Jesus Christ - we all talk about it, we all know that we should be out there proclaiming it to the nations. But, to tell you the truth, I've always been a bit confused as to what exactly the gospel is. Some people claim that it is the teaching of Jesus Christ about the nearness of God and God's love for us. Others claim it is all about what Christ achieved for us on the cross. I expect there are many other definitions as well.

Fortunately we need not argue about this any longer. A defecting, Church of Scotland minister has discovered the true, one and only definition of the word "Gospel."


A former Church of Scotland minister has accused the Kirk of an “erroneous liberal agenda” and of the “systematic dismantling of the true gospel” over the ordination of gay ministers. The Rev Paul Gibson has become the latest minister to leave the Kirk for the Free Church of Scotland over the issue.

There you have it, and who'd have thought it? The good news of Jesus Christ has nothing to do with forgiveness, grace or love. It has nothing to do with the incarnation or the atonement. It has nothing to do with eternal life, the kingdom of God or Jesus returning to earth to judge the living and the dead.

The good news that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us just to tell us is simply that gay people mustn't be ordained.

Now, some of you will be thinking, how come, if this is the gospel of Jesus Christ, he didn't actually mention it, or even allude to it, during all the time he was walking around the Holy Land preaching to anyone who would stop and listen to him?

I asked Professor MadPriest of the Newcastle Academy of Convenient Theology this very question and, quick as a flash, he had the answer. It's the "Messianic Secret." Those of you who have done a degree in theology will have heard of this secret and probably know it's something to do with Saint Mark's Gospel. Perhaps some bright spark of a lecturer even told you what the secret was. But I guarantee that he or she was lying. The Messianic Secret, the piece of wonderful news that the disciples were far too stupid to be told, was that blokes who fancy each other cannot be the person who stands at the front in church waving his hands around and introducing the hymns. Jesus couldn't tell the dimwitted fools who he deliberately chose to be his disciples about this glorious news because they were not ready to hear it. In fact, the whole of humankind has not been clever enough, or enlightened enough, to be told this secret until today.

That I am alive at this time when the true nature of God Almighty is being revealed to his people is a great honour. Fortune has smiled on me. To think, I might have gone through the whole of my life mistaken in my belief that the good news of Jesus Christ was something nice instead of having the sure knowledge that it was just another bit of illogical, bigoted, legalistic nonsense like something a human being would come up with and nothing new at all. Heck, it doesn't bear thinking about.



  1. I think it interesting that the true Messianic mystery was finally found in the Kirk! That represents a serious failure of Church of England scholarship. Almost certainly the failure is the fault of Dr. Williams. He should spend less time on stuff like Sharia!


    • Well, the pope had got close with his rampant, self-loathing homophobia, but he failed to make the connection between extreme bigotry and the gospel of Christ. So, yes, one up to the Scots.

  2. Oh, that prankster Jesus! Always obfuscating good news! Perhaps if he hadn’t spend so much time telling stories it wouldn’t have taken 2000 years to decipher this riddle. But noooo! “Did you hear the one about…”

  3. All those squeaky voiced Sodomiteses all over the place, for shame! I’ve heard they curdle milk as they walk by (that might be witches, but is there a difference?) and just a glance from their laser-like eyes melts butterfly wings. Leave it up to you MadPriest to aid them in their unhealthy fixations on low-cut shirts and eyebrow plucking.

  4. But seriously…(oops, wrong blog!). Well, I’ll say it anyway, I’ve been wondering just what would be good news today. In Jesus’s day people were desperate to be included, desperate for a good word that to God they were his beloved children, desperate to be saved. I have not been able to imagine what it is 21st century people want. If what I myself want from God were helpful, well, then, I’d have it. But what I want from God is no more bad stuff happening and all the bad stuff fixed, now. I think a promise of that would be good news, but not the rest of it. I don’t think people are afraid of going to hell so the “get out of hell free” card won’t work. Is “everyone is included” enough good news to make people clamour for more of Jesus? I don’t know.

    This is when I resort to the “Soundtrack to our Lives”, of course. “Church not made with hands”, “Homophobia”, and, of course the one that made me the target of a cyberstalker, “****-ups of the World Unite”. But I’m scared to become too much of an outcast, like Jesus.