My dog socked me in the eye again this morning. This time I ended up at the eye doctor. I have a serious lesion on my cornea. Which probably explains why it hurt like hell. I've got to use anti-bacterial eye drops every two hours for a couple of days, but they think I'll live. I was a very brave boy.

Blogging will be sporadic.

Glaring accusingly at the dog (with my one good eye) will be frequent.

Now, where did I put my Dr. Hook Karaoke tapes?


MADPRIEST DOWN — 90 Comments

  1. Actually, she was being affectionate at the time. And when I screamed in agony she tried to help by being even more affectionate, which just made matters a lot worse. Trying not to get cross with her and to be calm whilst in complete agony took a lot of doing. And I would point out that if it had been a human I would not have been that saintly.

  2. Oh, Jonathan, I’m so sorry. Take care, and follow the doctor’s orders. An injury to the cornea is nothing to take lightly. I’ll add you to the prayer list at Wounded Bird.

  3. How often do you and your dogs box?

    I hope all is well with your eye. I went through a painful eye infection a few years ago and had to put this nasty antibiotic cream in my eye about every couple of hours. I recovered fully within a day or two. I hope you recover more quickly.

  4. Gee, MP, usually u lead with your chin, not your eye, dammit!

    Take good care, heal soon!


  5. I got a scratched cornea back in the 80’s when a friend smashed my glasses into my face with his squash racquet during a game. I took a funeral the next day with a black patch over my left eye. Arrrr. But it healed quickly. Eyes are remarkably resilient. Painful, but resilient. Has anyone a parrot you caould borrow?

  6. Sorry to hear this, MP. Feel better soon.

    What is it with you Brits and your dogs?
    First Fr. Kenny gets bit, and now your dog knocks you over?

    I’m glad you took care of it right away!

  7. Healing prayers will be added to “job prayers.” Be careful, MP. Mimi is right … cornea injuries are definitely not to be taken lightly. I hope you heal quickly.

  8. We have the same problem with our women. The trouble is your average Britiah man is too damn nice and easy going. We are taken advantage of.

  9. Oh, and another thing. My specs broke last night and it’s going to take over a week to replace them. I’m trying to keep them on with only the one arm over one ear. I have to tilt my head up slightly so they don’t fall off.

    I’m having what I think should be called a “bad eye day.”

  10. Our people are nowhere near as violent or vicious as yours (I read Ormonde’s blog every Friday). But our dogs aren’t pansies, I’ll give you that. But then we don’t tend to dress them up in pink and carry them around in handbags. Our dogs are real dogs 🙂

  11. oh dear Mad Priest. You have been in the wars. I had a seven-year-old shove a rolled-up tube of paper in my eye last year, just to show he liked me. The pain was unbelievable and I had a nasty red mark in my eye for a couple of weeks afterwards. Poor you.

  12. Ouch, Cathy. But, of course, you can punch a child if they do something like that to you, but, of course, you mustn’t do that to a dog.

  13. Dear Good Luck Jonathan,


    Of course our dogs are mighty in the New World too! I´ve always lived in a pack of them and once one greeted me with a leap and his nose in my eye…hard contact lenses are like cookie cutters I found out…no matter, a specialist was called into the second hospital emergency room I visited at four in the morning in Puerto Rico and I was fine…yes, there were nasty creams/drops but hey, ¨love means never having to say you´re sorry¨ (doesn´t it? Words of a recovering codependent?).

    Now, do you want to hear the one about the four intrusive left eye surgeries I´ve had over the past 8 months? Some eye stories are more gruesome than others and at least you don´t have to have the silicone removed from behind your eye (and there ARE Cornea transplants and with any Good Luck Jonathan at all you could receive a NEW Cornea from someone that didn´t bite) and a new, man-made, natural lense inserted! YIKES, but I can see! Good Luck, Jonathan!

  14. I didn’t punch him. You can’t punch a kid who’s just shouted “I really like you!” Anyway, I’m sure your dog socked you harder than the seven-year-old socked me.

  15. By the way, you know on Facebook how when you look at someone’s home page it has their details and their list of friends etc? And how there’s a bit that says “Send so-and-so a message” and “Poke so-and-so”? For Eye Tee’s page, it says, “Poke Eye”. That seems strangely appropriate.

  16. Other than that how did you like the play Mrs. Lincoln?

    You are having a bad day or two! Sorry to hear it. Healing added to my prayers.


  17. Ow ow ow ow ow! Been there, but mine was the result of a twig in the wind, rather than an affectionate dog. Wishing you a speedy and uneventful recovery. If your dog refuses to stay on your shoulder, you’re welcome to borrow my cat.

  18. I do have my own cat and he will sleep on my shoulder. But only if I’m lying down when he curls up in the crook of my neck. I think he might give the walking around a go but his clinging on for dear life may be a bit too painful.

    My cat, by the way, surprisingly, has never once got his claws or teeth out to a human, no matter how tempted he may have been. However, he fangs the dogs as they walk passed regularly, and always for no apparent reason whatsoever.

  19. hard contact lenses are like cookie cutters I found out

    Ow Leonardo!!!! You’ve made my head hurt.

    Mad Priest, that’s a very silly film, and the silliest thing in it is when Gregory Peck insinuates to Lee Remick that their son might have something wrong with him ie he might be the Antichrist, and she says, “What could be wrong with our child, Robert? We’re the beautiful people, aren’t we?”

  20. I seem to remember a certain, Mrs Butler, having oodles of sympathy and prayers said during her recent visits to the eye surgery. My eye story is nowhere near that scary, but, at least that means you can joke about my troubles.

    So the answer to your question is “yes but not you.”

  21. I work on the basis that all small children are the spawn of the devil and very occasionally you come across one that isn’t. So finding out that my son (if I had one) was the Antichrist wouldn’t even make me blink.

  22. I prefer stuffed parrot. And I have an old Australian cookery book (“The Golden Wattle Cookery Book” – and I have no idea what a wattle is) that tells me how to prepare one for the table.

  23. So finding out that my son (if I had one) was the Antichrist wouldn’t even make me blink.

    You can’t blink now, so just as well.

    Why would your son be the Antichrist, anyway? You’re the beautiful people, aren’t you?

  24. So the answer to your question is “yes but not you.”

    But I didn’t tell the story of my eye wound from a pencil! When I was in high school, my classmate accidentally poked the eraser end of her pencil in my eye. The eraser was worn down to the metal, and half my eye was blood red for a month.

  25. Yes. But what the heck is a wattle? The only wattle we have is the stuff you mix with cow dung and slap on the walls of your peasant’s hovel. I’m sure even Australians don’t eat that.

  26. Dear Cathy,

    Did you know that Spanishspeakers yell AY instead of OW? Go to any emergency room in Latin America (or Miami, or Los Angeles) and you can tell who is behind the curtain writhing in pain (probably Arizona will incorperate that facto and use it for their new Latinobased HUNTING LAW)! Ay yi yi!!!

  27. On this side of the pond, a wattle generally refers to the red, fleshy growth hanging off the neck of a turkey. I don’t think they’re edible, though, unless you’re desperate.

    WV: nuntint

    So, what color are they supposed to be?

  28. Cathy, Jonathan IS one of the beautiful people.

    Mimi, I have just been thinking that exact thought myself.

  29. Leonardo – I didn’t know that, but either “ay!” or “ow!” or indeed “aarrgh!” seem appropriate responses to your eye saga.

  30. Piss off! Both of you.

    We might, or we might not piss off, depending on whether we feel like it. But we will not change our minds on that point.

  31. Leo, your test wouldn’t work here in south Louisiana. We scream out, “Aye-yai-yai!” when we’re in pain, too.

    Piss off! Both of you.

    Who me? All right, I’ll piss off and leave you in peace, Jonathan, since you’re feeling poorly.

  32. Maybe Orwell was right? “Two Legs Good, Four Legs Bad”? [Specifically, two-leggeds should stay at two-legged altitude. That way, your dog—this was Delphi?—can’t do any worse than sock you in the b@lls. If that’s an improvement. ;-X]

    Aw, Labradors: they merely lay down beside you, and comfort you as you die… [JCF, still recovering from the Lost finale]

    Feel better, Crazy Arse/Banged-Up Eye!

  33. Oh, no! Poor you, MadPriest.

    But you’re right. You just can’t get angry with your dog. I’m still suffering from chronic back pain following the day my sainted Izzy ferociously yanked the leash out of my hand and I went airborn and then landed on my tailbone. Izzy was trying to defend me from a dog running loose in the neighborhood. After she had chased him off (for some great distance) she came trotting back very proud of herself and I was still on the ground in agony and unable to move. Eighteen months and thousands of dollars in medical and chiropractic bills later, I’m still suffering and dear Izzy has gone to her reward. Still, whenever I remember it, I mainly am aware of how utterly serious that dog was about looking after me! 🙂

  34. I hurt my eye once in a similar “accident” with our daughter’s Golden Retriever, Ollie. I thought I was going to die of the pain. So, a friend sent me a card that read, ‘If you die, can I have all your stuff?’. I laughed so hard it stopped hurting. Oh, that and some nasty medicine I had to put in every coupla hours.

    But, if you die Jonathan, can I have all your computer stuff?

    Just askin’.

  35. But we will not change our minds on that point.

    Mimi will probably change her mind at least half a dozen times before she retires for the night. She has a history of doing such.

  36. Prayers for your eye that it may heal quickly.

    I am glad I do not remember the two eye surgeries I had at age 3 and 4.

  37. The wattle is that little bit of bald, red-colored skin hanging below the beak in a tom turkey and other birds. I am sure it is edible. After all, I have eaten chicken feet (only fried food with negative calories, from trying to get the skin without the toe bones). Nothing to write home about – just a prop for batter.

    Keep to the antibiotic drops schedule, MP. I shudder to think what is stuck to the ends of a dog’s claw nail. Fortunately, cornea is relatively quick at repair.

  38. “This here’s the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand.” (Bruce, from the Philiosophy Department).

    With all your eye trouble you’ve forgotten your Monty Python Mad One. Get well soon!

  39. NancyP, it was established a long time ago that you are not like other women (for some reason I always think of “Bones” Temperance when I think of you). So, forgive me if I don’t follow your culinary tips.

  40. I have no injured eye stories with which to divert the thread, but there was the time that I fell and broke my arm while being bit in the butt by a dog three times my size.

    Of course, it was all my stupid brother’s fault.

  41. I’m still suffering and dear Izzy has gone to her reward.

    Ellie, do you reckon Izzy’s now twigged to what she did, though, and God is probably still trying to cheer her up? … “Oh Izzy, it’s all right

  42. You and Fr Kenny both – only his pooch bit his arm and now it’s threatening to fall off.

    I knew dogs were a Bad Thing.

  43. Having had both corneas scratched…fortunately NOT at the same time…and had to wear aggravating eye patches…I sympathize completely.

    Get better soon…and tell the pups to play nicely…

  44. Did I meet Glenna?

    My dog has scratched my eye once or twice, though not this severely. She has very big feet that she tries to “pet” my face with. She means well, but it’s scary.

  45. Ah, yes. She has a good heart.

    If you were in the U.S. and had this happen to you, you would be about to get hit with an E.R. bill for at least $1,000.

  46. How odd…I’ve had pets all my life and never once has a pet’s claw or paw met my eye.

    I also learned to ride horseback at age 9 and continued riding for about five more years, and even though I’ve fallen off of or been tossed off of horses a few times, I’ve never broken anything or had any kind of serious injury.

    Lucky, I guess.

    Meanwhile…take care of that eye. Jonathan. Healing thoughts comin’ at ya. 🙂

  47. Hmmmm…been boxing with the dogs again, have you? 🙂

    Take it easy and take care of yourself. Prayers for healing arising and virtual hugs coming your way.

  48. Leonardo, I love your take on Good Luck Jonathan! Some people just aren’t as connected to what’s going on in Nigerian politics.

    Either that, or MP was so distracted by your stories of eye injuries and surgeries that he didn’t see it! But I loved it!

    Sorry about your eye, MP. I’m sure it will be better soon.

  49. You are all better people than I am – I would get absolutely livid with the dog, even if I knew at the same time that she hadn’t done it to hurt.

    Hope you’re already feeling better this morning.

  50. That is a very frightening injury. I hope that it feels a little better today, I am thinking of you and your well-intentioned dog.

  51. I hope you feel better soon! I have a big dog who gets overly boisterous, too, but he usually does damage by stepping on my foot.

  52. “Now, where did I put my Dr. Hook Karaoke tapes?”

    They’re in the right place, probably just the wrong time.


  53. I have no injured eye stories with which to divert the thread, but there was the time that I fell and broke my arm while being bit in the butt by a dog three times my size.

    Of course, it was all my stupid brother’s fault.

    KJ, this is still making me laugh every time I read it.

  54. Makes you laugh?!

    I’ve been having great trouble stopping myself from giggling like an adolescent schoolboy and replying with something completely inappropriate for a good, Christian blog like what this is along the lines of “nowadays I suppose you have to watch out that you don’t get your bum bitten by bears.”

  55. “What, even though they were both so recent, Caminante?”

    Hm, this is either an insult (you are so an infant) or a compliment (you are so young in spirit). I don’t dare decide which.

  56. I’ve been having great trouble stopping myself from giggling like an adolescent schoolboy and replying with something completely inappropriate for a good, Christian blog like what this is along the lines of “nowadays I suppose you have to watch out that you don’t get your bum bitten by bears.”

    I’m sure KJ is glad you stopped stopping yourself. I know I am. Why is “bum bitten by bears” so funny??

  57. get your bum bitten by bears

    At the Folsom Street Fair, that’s basically “Hello”! ;-X [Top {snort} of linked page is Dubious For Work, and goes downhill from there…]

  58. JCF, all your comments go “downhill from there”, in the best possible way.

    bear-bitten bums, still funny the next day.

  59. PS … I think the beauty of it is that even if it did not have the innuendo to enrich the whole experience it would still be hilariously silly. It is in other words truly stamped with the MadPriest Trademark Of Quality.

  60. Blimey, glad I forgot to tick the box for comments on this one.. I would have an inbox full of people saying nice things to you 🙂

    All I get is people arguing with me on my blog.. well not ALL I get..

    Are you better now? Have you got your specs? Think I have broken my foot so that is pissing me off.. amazing how irritating injuries are.