My totally fictitious contacts at Buckingham Palace inform me that there has been great rejoicing among members of the Royal Family this week. Their long-planned cunning plan to regain the American throne has finally paid off.
It can now be revealed that the first child of a well-known queen of England was kept a complete secret from the public and then, as a young teenager, smuggled into the United States, where he was given a fake identity. The undercover prince then, with the help of loyal colonials, spent his life working his way up to the top of the political ladder, even spending a while in the post of assistant president. Finally, last week, it all came together for him. He was elected president proper and the long years of tyrannical republican rule were over.
Even after he underwent some serious cosmetic surgery on both his ears, there was always the worry that his real identity might be sussed out, that the famous Mountbatten-Windsor grin might give him away (see photo below). But there is no need to worry anymore. Welcome back to the Empire, American people. We missed you.
Now, there is just the matter of the back-taxes to sort out and compensation for all that tea you spoilt, of course.