So, COVID-19 is not due to poor health and safety at a Wuhan wet market or Chinese germ warfare or even the goings-on of the usual suspects, teh gays; it transpires it is all the fault of Jews on phones.
Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, the most senior non-Hassidic, ultra-Orthodox rabbi in the world, has said that Jews have been “banished” from synagogues by the COVID-19 pandemic due to the offence given to God by using cell phones in synagogues.
Addressing all synagogue administrators in general, Kanievsky wrote that “For our many sins it has been many weeks since we were banished from our synagogues and study halls, like a servant who came to pour wine for his master and the master poured the jug on his face. It appears that this is a sign from Heaven for the sin in which the sanctity of synagogues has been cheapened by having cell phones open and speaking on them while people are praying, and this is great disrespect for prayer and the sanctity of synagogues and is in total opposition to Jewish law.”
Kanievsky said that synagogue administrators should therefore completely ban people from praying in synagogues while their phones are turned on and that they should ensure that there is a cupboard or other storage facility outside of the prayer hall for worshippers to deposit their cell phones.