Not Quite Getting The Hang Of It

Yesterday, the “World’s Most Stupid” award went to Donald Trump, as it does every day. The coveted second place rosette (which can be won by anybody who is not Donald Trump) was awarded to the BBC news reporter who was sent to interview some bloke who had climbed the height above sea-level of Mount Everest using the stairs in his own house. A feat he accomplished in just three days. Obviously, the BBC wanted to demonstrate that they are up with social distancing recommendations like the rest of us, so the reporter stood in the garden to interview the man who was standing at an upstairs’ window. To do this he used a microphone on the end of a boom that was at least the requisite two metres long. All by the book, except for the fact that the reporter was standing immediately below the window. It would appear that nobody had told him that the reason we are keeping two horizontal metres away from each other is down to the fact that the coronavirus, which is a heavy beast by microbial standards, falls out of the air onto the ground within two metres of being coughed out by an infected person. Standing directly beneath somebody with COVID-19 is a sure way to catch the disease, no matter how far above you, within reason, that person is.

Whilst I am on the topic of this fad of climbing Everest without leaving home, I feel I must point out that ascending the mountain from sea level involves walking hundreds of miles across India and Nepal and swimming across the River Ganges. Therefore, any claim of success which does not involve the indoor equivalent of this part of the journey is null and void.

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