Trump’s New Expansion Plans Revealed

I have just been informed by a completely unreliable source that following the rejection of his offer to buy Greenland, Donald Trump is now making a bid for Scotland. If the deal goes through, he intends to send the entire population of Scotland back to Maine "where they came from," (his words) with the exception of those employed as gamekeepers or caddies. He will then be able to fulfil his dream of turning all of Lowland Scotland into a giant eighteen million hole golf course.

The Scottish Government is considering his offer and it is widely rumoured that it will be accepted as the ruling Scottish Nationalist Party consider it would be better to have no country at all than one that has anything to do with the English.

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