Out Of England

According to a recent article in “New Scientist” magazine, two fossilised chunks from the upper and lower jaw of an eight to nine million-year-old, previously unknown, ape species found at Nikiti in northern Greece, could mean that hominins originated in Europe and not in Africa as is most widely assumed.

As the universally recognised author of the “Out Of England” hypothesis, I am reassured by this discovery. I differ from the anthropologists working on the Nikiti bones insomuch as I understand the location where they were found to be only a staging post for Homo Britannicus as they migrated from Bognor Regis in the south of England to Marrakesh in Africa. I am confident that this is the correct scenario because, as everyone knows, hair doesn’t lie and if you look at any photograph of a caveman and then at a photograph of a hippie man you will notice that they both have very long, girlie locks. It is obvious to me that if the long-haired freaky people of the swinging sixties were compelled by instinct to hitch-hike across Europe and onward to the exotic bazaars of Saharan Africa then so would the long-haired freaky people of prehistoric times. Anybody questioning this assumption would have to be (using the correct anthropological terminology) a complete asshat.

Comments are closed.