To My American Friends

You are going to find this a strange, even unbelievable, suggestion, but bear with me as it might just work.

The thing is, our prime minister, Theresa May, has turned out to be the sort of person unable to negotiate their way out of a paper bag. I can hardly deride her for this as I am exactly the same. If I tried to haggle with a two-year-old I would come out paying more than what was asked in the first place. However, it is obviously not an attribute that is going to prove successful if you are tasked with striking a deal with an entire continent which is still upset with your country for being far better fighters than them in both World Wars. Basically, her Chequer's deal means checkmate with the EU able to claim a decisive win.

We need someone who can not be bullied into submission by some doddery old geezer who appears perpetually in his cups, who will laugh at threats and attempts at blackmail rather than immediately giving in to them and who will be ruder than the rude boys of Europe could ever manage to be.

We need someone like that and my American friends have someone exactly like that who, I am sure, they would love to be rid of.

I am not, of course, offering a permanent cure for America's pain and embarrassment but I think we might be able to offer some respite, say from now until the end of March next year. In return, we would simply ask the U.S.A. to look after and, if possible, conveniently and permanently lose, one of our embarrassing, pain-in-the-arse politicians, namely, Mr Jacob Rees-Mogg M.P.. I am sure this will be no problem for Americans as they are sure to find him as funny as we find Donald Trump.

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