Mild mannered bank clerk, David Cooper, of Cotswold Green, Carshalton, made the news today by probably causing the break up of the United Kingdom. For the last thirty-three years of his life he has worn a blue tie for work without fail but this morning he decided that, for a change, he would wear a red one (a present from his wife for his birthday yesterday). On being informed of this alteration in David’s sartorial habits Scottish first minister, Nicola Sturgeon, immediately called a press conference and announced that she would be demanding yet another referendum on Scottish independence by next Wednesday at the latest.
“Mr Cooper’s radical recolourisation of his accessories is a substantive change to the political situation in the United Kingdom,” Mrs Sturgeon told the assembled reporters. “It is not what the Scottish people voted for in the referendum two years ago.”
The Scottish Labour Party would have been asked to comment but nobody could find it.