Homicidal Hindu Nutjobs Offer Hairstyling Advice

One of the major complaints against Christianity is that it's founder, Jesus Christ (from which we get the name "Christian"), never said anything about correct hairstyling other than his command that we should never dye our hair (Matthew 5: 36b). I am sure I am not alone in wondering how many converts (and their wallets) we have missed out on over the years because of this. As with so many things, other religions are well ahead of us on this one. Rastafarians, Sikhs, Hasidic Jews, bald-headed Buddhists, it seems every botherer of other gods has a trendy haircut except us. Furthermore, scientists who adhere to other faiths have spent far more time than Christian scientists on studying the quantum mechanics of cosmic coiffure and their influence on the spiritual welfare of the person underneath.

Take, for example, the groundbreaking new research that has just been made public by the theological trichologists of the Goa based bunch of murdering, bomb detonating cultists, Sanatan Sanstha. According to The Huffington Post (India), the group have their corporate knickers in a right twist because "women prefer keeping their hair short to look modern while men tie ponytails and call themselves trendy." This, they conclude,, has "taken mankind further down to negativity without realisation.” And I must admit, I for one hadn't realised it.

But this is no mere reactionist grumbling. There is solid scientific evidence to back up their claims.

The article says, “…long hair symbolizes fickleness, there is emission of Raja-Tama waves, thus polluting the environment. This denotes distress due to negative energies. Due to contact with Raja-predominant waves emitting from hair, the suryanadi (Sun channel) remains constantly active; this produces heat in the body which keeps spreading in the body, resulting in reduction in the sperm count.”

"Why then," asks Shivam Vij of the Huffington Post, "should women keep long hair?"

The assassins explain, “Since a woman is the bestower of Shakti, it becomes possible for her to make use of Tejtattva predominant energy generated in her body by the movement of her long hair. As a symbol of this Shaktitattva (Divine Energy Principle)-oriented mission, which is complementary to the activity of the Raja component in the body, a woman should keep long hair. Due to this awakened state in the form of Shakti tattva, a woman with long hair looks more humble and polite than a woman with short hair. Long hair doesn’t merely emit Shakti from women to the world, it also protects women from energies coming from hell. When the spiritual level of a woman is less than 50%, she is protected to some extent from waves emitting from Patal (Hell region) due to Raja-predominant waves emitting from her long hair; similarly, even negative energies get distressed due to Tej-bestowing waves."

These seem like very good reasons for women to keep their hair long. However, I do foresee one problem. Surely, as Islamic psychologists have proved conclusively, just one brief glimpse of a strand of long hair on the female of the species will compel any man to stop what he is doing and rape her. He will not be able to help himself and he can hardly be blamed for his violent lust-fueled acts because firstly, Brahma, Allah, God, whoever or whatever, created him that way and secondly, and most important, it is all the woman's fault for tarting herself up and walking around in public. She was asking for it.

Comments are closed.