Justin Welby To Be New Lord Sugar

Inspired by the recommendation of the "Green Report" that Church of England bishops should be replaced by businessmen, the BBC may commission a new religious knock out competition show based loosely on "The Apprentice."

The new programme, which has, at least provisionally, been christened "The Ordinand" will involve a group of young prospective priests tasked with persuading a panel made up of Archbishop Justin Welby, Archbishop John Sentamu and the Reverend Richard Coles, that they have the necessary business acumen and lack of compassion to be ordained in the new, leaner, meaner Church of England.

The chairman of the panel will, predictably, be the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby. It is rumoured that he has already decided that his catchphrase, to be employed whenever he casts a failed "ordinand" back to the ranks of the laity, will be "You're defrocked!"

The overall winner will not only be ordained to the diaconate of the Church of England by the archbishops live on TV in the series finale, they will also get to be an intern on Justin Welby's personal staff at Lambeth Palace for twelve months.

The first episode of "The Ordinand" will replace the traditional "Midnight Mass" on Christmas Eve this year and the BBC hopes that the mixture of God and mammon will score a big hit with post-Christian viewers addicted to watching the humiliation of others in order to hide from their own humiliation at the hands of big business and uncaring government.

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Justin Welby To Be New Lord Sugar — 2 Comments

  1. If pretending that nothing can be done about serious spiritual dilemmas and shifting blame by way of fecklessness are signs of ¨good business men¨ I suggest ++Justin/John file for liquidation of the Church of England and the Anglican Communion. Just because they recognize Anglican Communion differences (that have been demonizing LGBTI people and heterosexual women at Church for lifetimes) doesn’t mean they are ¨capable¨…period. They are not. They are pathetic cowards at Church. Any¨business person¨ would be fired immediately for non-actions resembling their LACK of leadership (while mouthing off continously about the problems they face).