Please To Remember The Fifth Of November Only

Hi, God. I understand that you are quite good in the smiting department and that, in the past, you have not looked unfavourably on your servants' requests to smite bad people when asked. Now, I've looked up "to smite" in the dictionary and I want to make it absolutely clear that I don't want you to do any of the sort of smiting that has fatal, or even painful, consequences. I am actually interested in the smiting that is defined as either "to affect mentally or morally with a sudden pang, e.g. his conscience smote him," or "to affect suddenly and strongly with a specified feeling, e.g. they were smitten with shame." So, now we've got that straight, here goes...

Lord God, who created all creatures great and small, hear my prayer on behalf of my dog, Delphi, and smite (see note above) the inconsiderate and selfish human beings who live nearby and, tonight, used the over commercialised and over here American Halloween thing as an excuse to let off fireworks and scare the bejeezus (pardon my language) out of the poor little critter. Please inspire these cretins, who are still your children and, therefore, quite honestly, your responsibility, at least in part that is, with the knowledge that they are English and that English people let fireworks off on only one day a year, the day on which we celebrate the foiling of the papist plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament, and all therein, the fifth day of November. Please bring them to the sure and certain knowledge that if they restrict their pyromania to that specified day then those of us who care more about the emotional welfare of animals, both domestic and wild, than spending incredible amounts of money on explosives that fizzle, go bang and then sparkle a bit, can prepare things so, at least, those animals for which we are responsible suffer as little as possible.

Lord, after you have smitten them, forgive them, even though they know exactly what they are doing, for you are a God of mercy who desires not the eternal damnation of ignorant pond scum but rather that they may change their ways and give (the money they would normally waste on fireworks to their local no-kill animal shelter). We ask this through the blesséd Saint Francis, Our Little Lady, Saint Laika, and Saint Cuthbert and in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Comments

Please To Remember The Fifth Of November Only — 2 Comments

  1. Much as I enjoy a good sparkle-bang, and as THRILLED as I was w/ My San Francisco Giants winning the World Series AGAIN (!!!) . . .

    . . . some douchebag on my friend’s cul-de-sac went WAY over-the-top lighting off a couple of M-80s after the Giants won. Come on, give ALL of our ears (esp the critters’) a break…