An irreplaceable rain forrest of junk mail came through the letterbox at MadPriest Towers today. As usual, most of it went straight in the recycling bin. But a magazine entitled "Love Durham This Christmas" caught my eye and escaped an immediate discarding. I thought it might contain details of free events being arranged in my county town in the run up to Christmas Day that even I could afford to go to (one of the most miserable things about being stuck at home and broke is that you get to do none of the traditional Christmas stuff other folks enjoy every year - thank you, once again, Bishop Wharton).

The magazine was a disappointment, it was all about where to shop. But one advert caught my eye. From the sixth to the eighth of December there is going to be a "Traditional Christmas Festival" in Durham. Actually it's not really what I would call a festival as it consists of a huge marquee being put up on the Palace Green in which there will be 180 stalls all selling Christmassy stuff. However, I thought me and Mrs MP might check it out and maybe even buy a few presents and the like. That was until I noticed the small print at the bottom of the advert. The cheeky buggers are only charging everybody £3.50 ($5.62) each just to walk into the freakin' tent! And that's after you paid for car parking or public transport.

There is fat chance of me paying to shop even if I could afford to. As I've said before, I may be mad but I'm not stupid and only an idjit would hand over money for the privilege of being allowed to then hand over more money. So sod them and their traditional Christmas festival. I'll stay at home and get traditionally bored into a catatonic state as always.

What really gets my goat is the fact that the people putting on this expensive shopping experience are the same people who complain that city centres are dying because more and more shoppers are going to out of town supermarkets with their free parking or buying stuff online. I wonder why they are doing that.



  1. Jonathan, I’m sorry to be so out of touch. Who is the gentleman you are currently highlighting in your illustrations?

    • It’s my nemesis, Nancy. The bishop (martin Wharton of Newcastle) who demoted then eventually sacked me because he doesn’t believe people who have suffered from any mental health problem, even if they get better and prove it, should be allowed to be a priest in the Church of England. I am haunted by what he did to me. It keeps me up at night and is the first thing I think about every morning. The only thing that will free me from his curse is to get my job back so that my life has some worth, but he has fixed it with his colleagues that I never will, anywhere. So Itry to relieve my pain by being sarcastic about him on my blog. Childish and unchristian, I know. But if I give up people will forget the truth very quickly.