The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football.  He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Newcastle with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation. He scores 3 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool . The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 2 - 0 down but I scored 3, they call it a hat-trick, and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the press, they all love me.'

'Just wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day …

Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and assaulted, she would have been raped but for a passing police vehicle. Your brother has joined a local gang of looters and set fire to some buildings and all while you tell me that you were having a great time!!'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.'

Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum.

'It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'

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