STARK RAVING RELIGION

From YNET:

The official Taliban website has published an article criticizing an art project in which 10,000 pink balloons were given away for free in Kabul, saying the event encouraged un-Islamic behaviour. Under the headline “Was it a balloon show or a mini-skirt show?”, the piece said that the conceptual artwork was a trick to promote Western values among the young Afghan volunteers who helped hand out the balloons.

“The West is using different techniques to promote their culture in Afghanistan. Sometimes they do it in an undercover way,” the author, Qari Habib, wrote in Pashto in the critique published on Sunday.

The Roman Catholic, Southern Baptist and Mormon churches have publicly backed the Taliban statement as it is their belief that the colour pink will turn all the participating Afghan boys into homosexuals, and God hates gays even more than he hates the sight of a bit of leg on a woman.

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From THE DAILY MAIL:

The pumped-up frontman for a popular Christian heavy metal band is blaming ‘roid rage’ for his attempt to hire a hitman to kill his wife earlier this month. Tim Lambesis, 32, began lifting weights, taking diet supplements last year in an effort to bulk up at the gym, his lawyer says. The fitness regimen eventually led to Lambesis injecting steroids. The drugs, defense lawyer Thomas Warwick claims, turned him to violence.

Yes, but it was Satan who whispered in his ear and persuaded him to take the pills.

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From CHRISTIANITY TODAY:

The theology blogosphere was abuzz yesterday over rumors that an upcoming paperback by prominent theologian N.T. Wright was a “forgery.” Australian theologian Michael Bird pronounced what he termed “Wrightgate” after discovering that the Amazon.com blurb for the 160-page book, originally slated for a July 1 release, said “Celebrated theologian N.T. Wright partners with Tim Suttle to discuss how Christ, as the fulfillment of God’s promise, has become the source by which we perform truth in the world.” Bird corresponded with Wright, with whom he is working on a forthcoming book project, and said the noted theologian denied any knowledge of Breaking Beautiful.

“He was mystified when I mentioned the book to him since he’s never heard of it before, nor does he recollect ever meeting a chap called Tim Suttle. Hmm. Very strange indeed. The immediate word that comes to mind is ‘forgery. Hopefully more details will come to light explaining the mysterious book. In the interim, however, this might be a wonderful illustration of modern pseudepigraphy,” Bird wrote on his blog.

Suttle defended himself on his own blog, explaining that the book was a publishing project that was legally created but poorly marketed. He said he was hired by The House Studios to write six chapters of a small groups resource that would accompany a series of videos by Wright.

My sermon on Sunday will be written in partnership with Saint Luke and God Almighty.

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From THE TIMES OF INDIA:

Two rival factions of Sikh seminary DamdamiTaksal got into a major scuffle on late Monday night over pasting of posters for the annual “Genocide Day” function being held at ChowkMehta and Sangrawan on June 6 and 7 respectively. Damdami Taksal chief Sangrawan Baba Ram Singh alleged that around 25 students of Damdami Taksal, Chowk Mehta, thrashed their students and kept them in illegal captivity. He claimed that six sustained minor injuries in the brawl and one of their vehicles was vandalized. Chowk Mehta Damdami Taksal is led by Baba Harnam Singh Khalsa.

Trashing the allegations made by Ram Singh, a close associate of Harnam Singh, Parnam Singh, who claimed to be an eyewitness to the scuffle, said students of Sangrawan Taksal were pasting posters over those already put up by them on the entry gate of the taksal and in a gurdwaa at Chowk Mehta.

“We objected to their pasting of posters of their function on our posters. It led to a verbal dual, after which three of them escaped while we held on to two of them and recorded their video,” said Parnam.

He said Sangrawan Taksal students had been provoking them with their acts for the past three years and added that they had damaged their vehicle themselves.

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Sometimes, “Care in the Community” just doesn’t work.

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From MERCURY NEWS:

A lawyer for a teacher fired after she became pregnant through artificial insemination says an Ohio Roman Catholic archdiocese and two schools violated her civil rights. The attorney for Christa Dias made the charge Tuesday as the trial in her federal lawsuit against the Cincinnati archdioceses and the schools began in federal court. Dias’ attorney, Robert Klingler, contended she was fired for being pregnant and unmarried, violating pregnancy discrimination law.

Archdiocese attorney Steven Goodin says there was no discrimination. He says she was fired because artificial insemination is immoral and violates church doctrine. The archdiocese also says Dias was a ministerial employee and the Supreme Court has said religious groups can dismiss those employees without government interference. Dias says she taught computer technology and had no ministerial duties.

The case is being viewed as a barometer on the degree to which religious organizations can regulate employees’ lives.

It seems to me that the difference between the Roman Catholic Church and the Taliban is just a matter of scale. The Roman Catholic Church is a much bigger institution.

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From AMERICA BLOG:

They don’t call ‘em a hate group for nothing. Bryan Fischer, a radio host for the religious right group American Family Association, which was officially designated a hate group a few years back, says that Mormons are going soft on their traditional opposition to all things gay. Why? Because, Fischer says, the Mormons want to bring back polygamy.

It would be easy to write Fischer off as just another religious right nut, but he’s one of the most important evangelical nuts out there. Fischer works for the American Family Association, one of the handful of most influential religious right groups in the US. And Republicans routinely go on Fischer’s radio show in an effort to woo the evangelical vote, and that includes GOP presidential candidates.

How and when did freedom of speech become freedom to tell lies?

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From THE TELEGRAPH:

A Scottish teenager beat three million competitors to be crowned a “digital god” after he completed the final step of a video game experiment by breaking apart a virtual cube. “Curiosity – What’s Inside the Cube?” was developed by British video game designer Peter Molyneux, the man who has promised Bryan Henderson, 18, that he will feature as a messianic character in new game “Godus”.

Henderson will now become the god of “all people who play Godus,” according to Molyneux’s recorded announcement.

What they haven’t told him is that next Good Friday they are going to nail him to a cross and crucify him. But then even gods have to take the tough with the smooth in life.

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From ONE NEWS NOW:

After a complaint from the atheist group, Americans United for Separation of Church and State, eighth graders at South Bristol Elementary School, Maine, will launch their handmade skiffs next month without the traditional “blessing of the fleet.” Instead, there will be a “ceremonial launch speech.”

If any children drown it will all be down to those pathetic atheists.

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From THE CONNAUGHT TELEGRAPH:

Four priests interred at Knock Shrine in the 1930s and 1940s have been exhumed and moved to an adjacent location because too many modern day pilgrims were walking on the graves or parking their cars on them. Originally the graves were provided with some protection by their memorials and statues. But these were removed some time ago to make it easier for pilgrims to move around the churchyard.

Is nothing sacred?
Well, not if there’s money involved.

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From BANGKOK POST:

Athikanprayong Papassaro, the abbot of a temple in tambon Kut Khao of Kuchinarai district, was arrested while using methamphetamine, or yaba, in his living quarters. The abbot, who has been in the monkhood for 13 years, confessed that he had been taking a few yaba pills daily to lose weight since his weight ballooned to 90kg. The drug reduces a person’s appetite. Police said they seized seven speed pills, drug equipment and several pornographic CDs from his quarters.

Yes. Masturbation will help with his weight problem as well.

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From THE TELEGRAPH:

He is the priest of the Church of England whose strident right wing views against gay marriage and the European Union have brought him notoriety across the country, but now the Rev Dr Peter Mullen (retired) is taking his outspoken views to the big screen. The eurosceptic has joined forces with new British film company, Faith Based Movies, to look for backers to turn a screenplay he has written into a motion picture. The project, which will detail the life of Jesus, is billed in the company’s Enterprise Investment Scheme as being likely to follow in the success of Mel Gibson’s Jesus biopic.

“We believe Jesus will be the most successful exposition of the life of Jesus Christ since the Mel Gibson film The Passion of the Christ.”

“This is not a schmaltzy version of The Life of Christ,” the brochure reads. “This is the story of Jesus Christ as a strong, man’s man, not the meek sometimes-portrayed effeminate figure found in Sunday school teaching.”

In the screenplay Mullen’s Jesus is “the most popular dinner guest in town” who has a muscular phisique. “His strength of body, forged from years of working with wood, completely intimidates the money changers.”

Oooh! That sounds steamy and more than a bit homoerotic if you ask me, Peter.

The Reverend Peter Mullen getting all dreamy about Christ’s abs.

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From NEWSER:

Cows are famously regarded as “sacred” in the Hindu faith, and as such, killing cows is illegal in much of India. But as the country increasingly develops a taste for beef, a black market of illegal slaughterhouses is also growing, and alongside it, cattle rustlers are stealing more and more cows to feed demand. In the state of Andhra Pradesh alone, officials estimate there are 3,100 illegal slaughterhouses.

Each stolen cow fetches 5,000 rupees, or about $94, and police say the outlaws are ruthless in securing their bounties and undeterred by jail.

“Cows are all about business and money now, not religion,” says an animal welfare activist.

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From THE LOCAL (Spain):

The Cardinal Archbishop of Madrid, Antonio María Rouco Varela, has taken the unprecedented step of selecting eight priests to lock horns with Satan as expert exorcists. Specialist ghostbuster training will be led by Cesar Franco, one of the Spanish capital’s three auxiliary bishops. The decision was taken personally by Archbishop Rouco Valera to meet an avalanche of requests for help from the faithful to fight their otherworldly foe. Many alleged victims of demonic possession and evil influence claim to have opened the gateway to hell with occult practices such as black magic, palmistry, Ouija boards and fortune telling.

























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From THE WASHINGTON TIMES:

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has called for prayer and fasting in the days leading up to the Supreme Court’s decisions on two gay marriage cases. A bulletin, issued by Cardinal Timothy Dolan, calls upon the faithful to pray, fast and make personal sacrifices to help the court make a ruling favorable to traditional views of marriage.

“Be a witness for the truth of marriage in word and action. Take advantage of opportunities to speak about marriage’s unique meaning in conversation with friends, family, neighbors or co-workers,” the bulletin stated.

The Supreme Court is expected to soon issue rulings on the federal Defense of Marriage Act, DOMA, and on a California ban on gay marriage initiated by voter referendum, Proposition 8.

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… and there’s more about the big guy with the thing about homosexuality.

From NEWSER:

The country’s top Catholic bishop hasn’t taken kindly to ObamaCare’s call for employers to fund birth control — but his own archdiocese has been paying for the coverage for years. For more than a decade, the Archdiocese of New York, headed by Cardinal Timothy Dolan, has indirectly paid for union-driven health coverage that includes both birth control and abortion for some 3,000 of its health workers. When the archdiocese began paying for the coverage, there was some concern, says the head of a health employers’ group. But Dolan finally decided “there was no other option if the Catholic Church was to continue to provide health care to these union-affiliated employees in the city of New York,” says the archdiocese rep.

Now, that’s an interesting precedent. So the Roman Catholic Church can continue providing all the services they do now in the USA even if this means paying “indirectly” for contraception and the like.

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And finally, just in case you were worried that all that money you’ve handed over to the Church and all the bowing and scraping has been a waste of time…

From THE HUFFINGTON POST:

The Vatican has clarified that atheists will still go to hell if they reject God, after Pope Francis broke with tradition to deliver a homily stating non-believers who do good will be redeemed through Jesus. The Pope’s words made headlines around the world after he gave an unprepared speech in which he emphasised the importance of “doing good” as a principle which unites all humanity.

After international media attention, the Vatican attempted clarify how exactly one gets in to heaven, with Rev. Thomas Rosica, a Vatican spokesman, saying that people who know about the Catholic church “cannot be saved” if they “refuse to enter her or remain in her.”

Oh, shit. That’s most of us, including me, well and truly fucked. No point in doing any good then. I’m off to gamble, booze and hang around loose women. That’s if my wife will let me.

Comments

STARK RAVING RELIGION — 5 Comments

  1. Actually, Americans United for Separation of Church and State is most assuredly NOT an “atheist group” and shame on that “One News Now” organization for claiming that it is. I am a member myself and the executive director is an ordained clergyman in the United Church of Christ.

    From their mission statement: “Americans United for Separation of Church and State is a nonpartisan educational organization dedicated to preserving the constitutional principle of church-state separation as the only way to ensure religious freedom for all Americans.”

    • I would be more sympathetic towards your separation of church and state law if it worked. But you all seem to worry about the small stuff whilst letting the big stuff, such as politicians being in bed with powerful religious lobbies, carry on unchecked. In England we keep religion out of the big stuff whilst being relaxed about it at the folk religion level. We would view the blessing of the fleet as a folk tradition and people of all religions and none would join in with it no differently to how they join in with carol singing at Christmas and burning effigies of catholics on Bonfire Night.

  2. I’m not, of course, taking issue with your opinions regarding our Bill of Rights (that is, the first ten amendments to the US Constitution), MadPriest.

    I’m simply correcting the blatant untruth of that Christian organization, One News Now, when it claims that “Americans United” is an atheist group. It simply is not.

  3. “Dias says she taught computer technology and had no ministerial duties.”

    Well, her RC overlords will claim that, via computer tech, she was responsible for Deus Ex Machina (no test-tube babies for you!)

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    Cross-posted to Joe.My.God.

    New word: Dildolan. “Getting screwed by the Cardinal Abp of New York’s Fake Plastic Geezus”

    ***

    Speaking of Popoid turds: Rev Thomas Rosica. Clarifying His Holiness: is somebody getting a little above his paygrade?

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    “This is not a schmaltzy version of The Life of Christ,” the brochure reads. “This is the story of Jesus Christ as a strong, man’s man, not the meek sometimes-portrayed effeminate figure found in Sunday school teaching.”

    In the screenplay Mullen’s Jesus is “the most popular dinner guest in town” who has a muscular phisique. “His strength of body, forged from years of working with wood, completely intimidates the money changers.”

    Again I ask: is this a joke? O_o