HISTORY CORRECTED

I have been thinking about the post below, how Stonehenge was a construction project engaged in to bring the disparate peoples of 4000BC Britain together. If this is true and, as it has been proposed by a professor, then it must be, it means that British society back then was pretty much the same as the early Peruvian civilisations before the Incas turned up and turned everything ugly. Archeologists have discovered that the building projects of those ancient civilisations were also designed for the purpose of bringing people together without the need of a powerful and heavy handed royal elite. It does not require any leap of the imagination to come to the obvious conclusion that it was the English who first discovered and colonised South America. This would certainly explain the marked similarity in appearance between native Peruvians and the groups of buskers playing panpipes in English shopping centres every Saturday. My guess is that the ancient English sailed to Perus via Cape Horn in large beakers after THE BEAKER FOLK OF HUSBAND CRAWLEY came across from Northern Europe to take advantage of our generous welfare provision and subsequently closed down the Stonehenge festivities on the typically Germanic premise that it was all a bit silly.

We have already proved conclusively at OCICBW... that North America was discovered by the English during the last ice age when a group of deep sea fishermen, working out of Fleetwood, Lancashire, turned the wrong way and ended up following the edge of the North Atlantic Ice Sheet all the way to Labrador where they founded a successful arrowhead making business. Therefore, it now appears that the English are the rightful first peoples of all the Americas and, as such, our Queen (God bless Her Majesty)  is due a heck of a lot of dollars, reals, nuevo sols and what-have-yous in back taxes from, what is for us, the not so New World.

Jim and Kevin from Fleetwood discover America circa 10000BC

However, there is one thing that is slightly worrying about these remarkable discoveries. As the English have obviously been living in America for millennia and as Jesus, as most scholars now acknowledge, was English, there may just be some truth in the Latter Day Saints' claim that Jesus visited our transatlantic colonies. And I really would hate it if Little Jimmy Osmond was proved to be right after all.

Although, now I think about it,  his "Long Haired Lover From Liverpool" might just be a reference to the Fleetwood fishermen who accidently discovered America 12000 years ago. The story may have been passed down from Mormon generation to Mormon generation since the first Englishman got out of his coracle and set foot on the Canadian shore.

An artist's impression of the ancient English sailing round Cape Horn

Comments

HISTORY CORRECTED — 4 Comments

  1. It was actually a gigantic workfare scheme. Basically, if you didn’t lug them stones over the Malborough Downs, you were declared an official shirker and not allowed your weekly dole of a rack ‘o’ ribs.

    The economy was struggling, on account of being based on amber and rhino horn. And the rhino horn was running out fast.

  2. And, gee whiz, who would have thunk it? heh, heh!

    What is it with u guys anyhow? A childhood friend of my daughter has just returned to the USA from several years in England. He got a job offer in CA that he couldn’t resist and has moved to CA. And already we are all hearing about how “at home” he was in London, how he loves England, how ukky it is the US, He arrived last week and is already ‘homesick’ for London, etc ad nauseum…..

    Methinks u guys doth protest a heck of a lot :>)
    nij

    • I would imagine that the problem with America is that there is just too much of it and there is too much of everything in it. That’s certainly what scares me about it. The great thing about the UK is it is just the right size and we rarely overdo anything. That can be very reassuring and calming for certain personality types.

    • And if you could ever get over your fear of the Flying Machines, Crazy @rse, you could do more than merely IMAGINE all the problems wot we Yanks have! O_o

      [If I could grow up in the bucolic burbs of Sacra-tomato, and then survive (happily) 4 years in the Big Apple (Harlem, USA!), you could certainly endure the bucolic burbs of Sacra-tomato today (Good Lord, I just invited you to my place, didn’t I? Must.Get.Head.Examined.)]