IF IT’S A PRAYER WAR THEY WANT…

From REUTERS:

The French Catholic Church will revive a centuries-old custom next week with an updated national "prayer for France" opposing the same-sex marriage and euthanasia reforms planned by the new Socialist government. The prayer, will be read in all (Vatican owned) churches. In the text, Catholics will pray for newly elected officials "so that their sense of the common good will overcome special demands." This would include support for traditional families "throughout their lives, especially in painful moments." Opposing gay adoption, it says children should "cease to be objects of the desires and conflicts of adults and fully benefit from the love of a father and a mother."

King Louis XIII decreed in 1638 that all churches would pray on Aug 15, the day Catholics believe the Virgin Mary was assumed bodily into Heaven, for the good of the country. The annual practice fell into disuse after World War Two.

Okay. Under the ancient "They started it" clause, as set out by Her Majesty, Good Queen Bess as she sent the fire boats into the midst of the Spanish Armada, let us return fire!

Almighty God, would you please forget that you are a loving God for a moment and smite heavily the homophobes and sexual hypocrites of this world, especially those who rule it over your people from the ivory towers of Babylon (henceforth referred to as the Vatican). May the thingies you so wonderfully created, which are attached unto those who believe in their hearts that you would create something for no good reason, and give pleasure to your children just to get them into trouble with men in pointy hats, wither and die and fall from the stem like branches suffering from mildew. May the man with the biggest, poshest pointy hat get his comeuppance. May he be found out and shown up to be nothing more than a shoe fetishist with a completely out of control superiority complex. May that cardinal down in Sydney, and also his mate in the Anglican Church, be turned into pillars of salt for no better reason than they give us the creeps. Let everyone who thanks you mightily for making sex and love so bloody good and then joining them together so that we all get to have some fun in our lives no matter what the bastards (henceforth referred to as businessmen and politicians) try to do to us, be vindicated. May our cries for justice be heard in the highest heavens. May people who say hateful things in your name go to hell in a handcart. May I get a new hard drive for Christmas and a reasonable sized win off those five £1 premium bonds my grandmother bought me when I was Christened and which, so far, haven't paid out a penny. May my friends get a whole load of goodies as well. Love to your Son and his mother, and hugs and kisses to the Holy Ghost. Amen. P.S. A few more gold medals for the British team in the Olympics would be greatly appreciated as well. Perhaps you could take them off the Chinese competitors. Let's face it, God, most of them don't even believe in you so they are hardly going to blame you if they lose.

Please would you all make sure this prayer is read out aloud in your places of worship this coming Sunday. Anybody who doesn't will not be invited to the parish picnic. I realise that's not quite so scary as threatening to excommunicate you if you don't do as you are told, but I'm an Anglican and Anglicans aren't really into such histrionics and drama queenishness.

Comments

IF IT’S A PRAYER WAR THEY WANT… — 5 Comments

  1. [this from memory]

    “Confound their politics
    Thwart all their knavish tricks
    Our hopes on Thee we fix,
    God Save…”

    Well, me! ;-p

    [And dearest Lord, the sympathy factor for Team Japan women’s soccer is *so* 2011. USA! USA! USA! :-D]

  2. From the Litany of the 1549 BCP:

    “From all sedicion and privye conspiracie, from the tyrannye of the bishop of Rome and all his detestable enormities, from al false doctrine and herisy, from hardnes of heart, and contempte of thy word and commaundemente:

    “Good lorde deliver us.”

  3. I’ve used the 1549 prayer, complete with the pope’s “detestable enormities” in an English Civil War themed Evensong. It caused some tittering.

    I’m sorely tempted to use the above as well … omitting the personal request for a hard drive and Postal Order (??? surely you mean Premium Bonds) payout.

  4. Love it, love it, love it! Oh, mercy, MadPriest! This was worth waking up for. (Struggling here; struggling. Getting that first cup of coffee down me…..)

    And Deacon Charlie: I haven’t thought of that “detestable enormities” bit for years. Wonderful!