In a surprise last minute announcement, a spokesperson for Buckingham Palace has announced that the original line-up of the Sex Pistols (the one with Glen Matlock rather than Sid Vicious) has reformed and will be headlining The Diamond Jubilee Concert, attended by Her Majesty, The Queen, tonight. In fact, it has further been revealed that it was the Queen, herself, who asked for the group to be added to the bill. A completely unreliable source has whispered to OCICBW... that Her Majesty intends to stand right at the front, up against the stage, when they play their version of her song, "God Save The Queen." This is so she can be close enough to gob on them.

Unfortunately, back in this tediously predictable universe in which we live we have to put up with the worst concert line-up in the world ever. To be honest, I'd rather watch an old woman looking at boats floating by for three hours than spend a second watching this load of brain-numbingly boring tosh.



  1. You can give me your tickets, MP: I’m boring that way.

    “This is so she can be close enough to gob on them.”

    Oh dear: I *thought* I knew the meaning of the WhateverlanguagetheyspeakinBlightyism “gob” . . . but not as a verb. A little help?

  2. I’m surprised Michael Jackson isn’t on the list. He’s as big a superstar as McCartney or Elton John.

  3. JCF – Spit or expectorate.

    I have studiously avoided all references to the jublee but regret to note that all of my homsexual friends seem to be most effusive on the subject. Are there no gay republicans? (UK-side) Anyway the only jot of humour in the thing for me was on the letters page in The Guardian.

    Last year, when waiting on the Mall hoping to glimpse the Queen during trooping the colour, I was taken away by the police and questioned on account of my suspicious appearance – wearing a clerical collar and black suit. I very narrowly escaped being transported back to Australia for the offence, which was commuted to public humiliation.

    This jubilee weekend I am taking no such risk of being catapulted to another hemisphere after waiting too hopefully behind a barricade, and so celebrate from the safety of choral evensong at St Matthew’s Albury back in Australia . We trust that even from this distance Her Majesty feels the warmth of our affection, without the threat to national security that a traditionally attired Australian archdeacon occasionally excites in London.
    Archdeacon Peter Macleod-Miller
    St Matthew’s Anglican Church, Albury, New South Wales, Australia

  4. I’ve heard via BBC Radio on Sirius that a hula hoop was involved.

    But at least your spectacle was supposed to be entertainment. In the US we have a much worse debacle that is supposed to be our political system but which more closely resembles some really bad reality television.

  5. You’re right, tmtim, it is a very gay concert. Perhaps Gary Barlow had to look up the word “queen” in the dictionary and accidentally picked the wrong definition.

  6. Who needs a Queen, when you have a Goddess?? [I couldn’t “keep it up” a fraction of what she does, and I just heard she’s 64!]

    NB: Be sure to note who’s on screen at 4:13! Guess which ABC has one foot out the door already? *ROFL*