I was given my anger. I was not born with it and I certainly didn't go looking for it. It is difficult for me to see how it has changed me because I feel like the same me I have always been. But Mrs MP can pinpoint the exact time of the change in my personality. It happened just after Bishop Martin Wharton tried to give me the sack for suffering from a depression caused by being sent to work with an evil man. Mrs MP will never go back to church again and I am unsure if she even retains her faith. She doesn't like my anger and she knows who is to blame for it.
Since posting about it yesterday I have been thinking about this anger of mine. For a start it is not an anger that is aggressive towards everyone. I don't start fights and when Mrs MP and myself exchange words I moan and complain but I never hurl insults at my wife. My anger is never physical.
Secondly, my posts on my anger, in fact posts on myself on any matter, are few when compared to all the other stuff I post on my blog and website. OCICBW... is an angry blog, it always has been, but it is anger on behalf of other people, it is anger against that which is wrong.
So should I be looking to rid myself of this anger?
One thing I am sure about is that I shouldn't surpress it.
Another thing I know is that I am the person who has to do something about things when others avoid confrontation because their view is that "it's not worth it." I don't think people should "get away with it." Life is crappy but just think how much crappier it would be if there hadn't been people in the past who were angry enough to risk everything to change things for the better. In my book that includes Jesus Christ.
I am advised to do something about it. But what do you think I have been doing? OCICBW... and Saint Laika's don't write themselves and I have been pushing to make them a viable full time ministry for myself for a long time now. There are enough people out there who want this to happen for me to know I'm not just pissing in the wind on this one.
Let's get one thing straight. I would rather die than take up employment in a non-priestly vocation. I cannot imagine what it is like to be a "woman trapped in a man's body," but my guess is that it is very similar to being a priest trapped in a shelf-stacker's body. I am not being flippant here; there are some vocations in life (and not just the priesthood by any means) that are as much a part of a person's very being as their sexuality. In fact, I could give up sex a lot easier than I could give up being a priest (although I don't intend to do either).
Anger is just an emotion. It is painful at times but then so is love. In fact, my anger is, more than anything else, a yearning just as my love is.