The Grand Tufti of The Church of England PLC announced today that, for one day only, Christmas Day, same sex couples will be allowed to get hitched officially in any Church of England place of worship. A spokesperson for Goateth Palace, the official residence of the Grand Tufti, told OCICBW..., in an exclusive interview, that his boss decided to make this temporary concession to "liberal revisionism" when he found out, last week, that Christmas Day used to commemorate the birthday of Jesus Christ and that it was this man's surname which gave rise to the term "Christianity."

The spokesperson further stated that at an emergency Primates' meeting on Monday, which was called to discuss the Tufti's findings and which took place in secrecy at a rather nice five star, beachside hotel in Barbados, the leaders of Anglican International checked on Wikipedia and found that the original Jesus Christ (who, ironically, was a Jew - Go figure!) was a right lovey, that he never mentioned anything about who could do the wild thing with who and, to be honest, spent far more time hanging around young, muscular and, definitely male of gender, rough stuff, than would now be deemed acceptable even in our depraved English society. Therefore, as we are supposed to stop trying to flog stuff to each other and actually act nice for a change on Christmas Day, the Board of Directors decided to "let the buggers get on with it if they must" on the 25th. December. That is, as long as they can find a priest who is actually willing to turn up for work on what is officially a public holiday, and preside at the "weirdo weddings."

OCICBW... contacted the enemy of the British State, Peter Tatchell, and told him about the Grand Tufti's generous offer to perverts like what he is.

Mr Tatchell's reply consisted of just two words - "Bearded" and "Tosser."

The Grand Tufti has not, at this moment in time, indicated that he would be making a similar concession to sodomy when the Church commemorates the crucifixion of the Easter Bunny at the beginning of April next year. In fact, an anonymous source informed us that when the Tufti was told that gay people were starving for spiritual sustenance he replied, "Then let them eat chocolate eggs."



  1. I just read this to Joe, he started laughing maniacally at the word “primates” and began “ooking” at the top of his voice and making poo-flinging gestures and beating his chest.


    I think he likes it. 🙂

  2. Excuse me, now I am really confused…this CofE is something else! If the refusal to marry Gay people is based on the premise that such activity as Gay people having sex is not moral, why would you allow/promote it on Christmas Day, one of the holiest days of the year?
    Do they mean that it is not moral the other 364 days of the year? Just sign me “confused”!