Our "Gumby Of The Day" today is the entire Salvation Army whose WEBSITE dares to state the following whilst keeping a straight face:
The Salvation Army holds a positive view of human sexuality. Scripture forbids sexual intimacy between members of the same sex. The Salvation Army believes, therefore, that Christians whose sexual orientation is primarily or exclusively same-sex are called upon to embrace celibacy as a way of life.
I think I'm going to leave it up to Mister Chuck Berry to give voice to what we are all thinking right now:
Thanks to Alison for finding this excellent example of religious doublespeak and sending it in to me.