ASK DOCTOR MADPRIEST

I have received an email from "Confused of Australia" who asks:

"When I "struggle with opposite sex attraction" does it mean that I am not really heterosexual?"

This is a question that all red blooded guys and feisty little sheilas will ask themselves at some point in their lives. You are right to be concerned as heterosexuality is a problem that affects nine out of ten people on this planet and although it is not sinful in itself it can lead to sufferers doing naughty things to each other which, quite honestly, decent Christian folk prefer not to talk about.

Fortunately for you, Confused, there is a tried and tested clinically proven remedy for your ailment - a regime that if followed faithfully will soon lead to you never having any thoughts about doing naughty stuff ever again. For those struggling with opposite sex attraction (and this applies to women and men alike) Christians have always recommended aversion therapy. Its technical name is holy matrimony and troubled heterosexuals can sign up for a life long course at their local parish church.

Comments

ASK DOCTOR MADPRIEST — 8 Comments

  1. Dear Mad Priest

    Thank you for answering my question. My “struggle with opposite sex attraction” has been a long and painful one. Many times have I thought that I must be heterosexual.

    You mention a remedy and of course everyone has said it before. (It is easier said than done). I must put aside my desires and enter a life of Holy Matrimony. This would indeed put an end to my struggle but there is a new dilemma and here I must be honest. The gay brigade have destroyed marriage for me. With their clammoring for recognition in marriage I can find no reason to marry anymore, or even have a family which they also have destroyed.

    So now I have a new question:

    How can I marry if other people in society that I do not like, also marry?

  2. Dear Anonymous.

    Always hold on tightly to the belief that everybody else’s marriage is a lot worse than yours which is, of course, their punishment from God for being wrong about everything.

  3. “When I “struggle with opposite sex attraction” does it mean that I am not really heterosexual?”

    I know now that my male pigness supercedes my gayness because my first thought when I read this was a completely un-politically correct…maybe you need to find some prettier women… ::sigh::

  4. I have a feeling the enquirer is concerned about having too much not too little attraction to the opposite sex. You know, Renz, naughty thoughts and all that jazz.

  5. There was this American d.j. who got fired from his station in Detroit for extreme on air antics…he moved to Chicago and one day he was talking about how often the average male thinks about sex (it was rather frequently as I recall). He then went on to ponder how two gay men ever get anything else done…just sayin.

  6. Heh, your post MP reminds me of a question I once saw to a sex columnist:

    “I have a fantasy where whatever sex acts I perform, the woman just lies there, visibly bored. How do I make this fantasy a reality?”

    The columnist, too, recommended marriage.