A lad of 10 is scarred for life after being attacked by a dog which had drunk Stella Artois.

The Staffordshire bull terrier mauled Joseph Pickering after lager was poured down its throat by the owner's uncle. The pet, named Diesel, escaped being destroyed after animal psychologist David Gilman told magistrates the beer was to blame - not the dog.

Owner James Holmes, 24, of Colne, Lancs, escaped prosecution as the attack was on private property. But a civil hearing was brought by police under the Dangerous Dogs Act.


COMMENT: OCICBW... believes that it is terribly wrong that Mr Holmes has got away with this vile act of cruelty towards both human and animal and we have come up with various suggestions for a suitable sentence. It is up to you, dear readers, to decide which of the following three cruel and unusual punishments should be inflicted on this scouser idiot.

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But, on a much
happier note,
is pleased to
announce that
for getting the
judge to see
sense, animal
David Gilman,
is our...



  1. When civil authorities can’t quite get it right, hire a solicitor. While good sense isn’t a duty, protecting those on your property usually is. Blockheads like Mr. Holmes require “special” sanction.

  2. I don’t believe in the death penalty, so #1 is out.

    I am in favor of #2, but because he is as thick as shit, he would not feel shame or humiliation, because he can not read the sign. So it would only make us feel better.

    However, I voted for #1. Even men who are thick as shit would miss their balls.

  3. I have given this further thought. Perhaps I should have said ‘especially’ instead of ‘even.’ At least he could be made to have a vasectomy, which would rule out the possibility of his producing other thick as shit men. He probably equates vasectomy with neutering anyway.

  4. There seems to be a 50/50 split between castration and humiliation. My guess it reflects a 50/50 split between the female vote and the male vote. Ouch!

  5. As I said earlier. He’s incapable of being humiliated due to the shit thickness of his brain, so to misquote the Queen of Hearts, “Off with his balls!”

  6. Susie, darling, you are being a little too overenthusiastic about this. Do you have somebody else in mind for your suggested treatment as well? Someone maybe a little closer to home? Or are men generally getting on your nerves at the moment?

  7. No one else in particular, dear MP. I am not a dog person, but no one should do that. I just hate people who mistreat any animals. I am sick at heart for that poor child who will be permanently scarred by this incident!