In the interests of racial harmony the following joke has been rendered politically correct by MadPriest.

A rich Texan with a private zoo decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all his friends and neighbours plus a Scotsman he had recently met. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around to see the Scotsman in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting its' tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo champion. The water was churning and splashing everywhere.

Both the Scotsman and the croc were screaming and raising hell, but eventually, the Scottish fellow managed to strangle the crocodile which floated to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish. The victorious Scotsman then slowly climbed out of the pool, exhausted! Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, "Well, sir, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

'Thank you but I don't want it,' said the Scotsman.

The rich man said, "I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks" the other man answered.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex watch?"

Again the Scotsman said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well then, what do you want?"

The Scotsman replied, "Honestly, I just want the bastard who pushed me in!"