A man is sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me . . . talking to the beer."
David Cameron has solved the United Kingdom's fuel problems.
He's imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and we're going to start drilling for our own oil.
My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never come back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said,"Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."