I had to go to a lecture on "getting back to work" at the jobcentre today. It was compulsory.

It wasn't a complete waste of time. I might get some professional help with interview techniques from it.

There were about 15 of us there and at the end of the lecture we were all called to the front individually to be given a list of possible vacancies which the lecturers thought would suit our individual skills. Everybody, except myself, got quite a long list with some useful leads on. I got this:

Actually, maybe I should go for the job. I quite fancy the ceremonial dagger which would be handy as the gudwara is situated in the roughest part of West Newcastle. But, on the other hand, I would have to become a vegetarian, so, maybe not.



  1. You know, here in Canada we’ve had some real trouble with dubious mandatory “training” sessions being imposed on people on income assistance. I’m almost glad to know it’s not unique to here.

    Anyway, there’s really no difference between an Anglican minister and a Sikh one, is there? I’m sure the hiring committee at the temple would agree.

  2. I wonder, what is the state of anti-discrimination law in the UK? If nothing else, perhaps a hiring discrimination claim could arise. There could be some real money there.

  3. If the boot was on the other foot I would consider it, Point of Order. But I have nothing against sikhs. The ones I have met have been well-mannered, gentle people. Even I would feel guilty taking them to the cleaners.

  4. I must admit, I had never thought of advertising our vacancy at the Jobcentre when we were in interregnum. Maybe we have something else to learn from the Sikhs.

    (Mind you, we did wonder if that’s where one or two of the applicants came from.)

  5. it’s better than being referred to the Hare Krishnas, I suppose. And the Sikhs do wear some rather dashing headgear.

    Would the job centre pay for the retraining?

  6. They are good like that. The last time I had the gross misfortune of being manhadled trough the Jobcentre they came up with a job for me as a mini-bus driver for a charity project, which would have been OK other than me not having a driving licence and the job being restricted to female applicants. Mind you my GP sent me an appointment for my overdue smear test last month, so perhaps there is something going on I haven’t noticed.

  7. Does this mean you will be able to retire at 60, tmtim?
    And if you shout at someone at work there’s no need for you to apologise. Just tell them it’s that time of the month.

  8. my GP sent me an appointment for my overdue smear test last month

    Well you’d better go, tmtim. These things are important.

  9. Jonathan, seitan is actually pretty tasty. You could almost mistake it for meat.

  10. American meat is pretty tasteless..¨ MP

    Lies! All lies! Even in downtown nowhere, America Central, it´s all about seasonings…same as the your resume/you…take yourself to a more exciting hotspot and surely they´ll love zesty YOU!

  11. Not only is British meat of a generally excellent quality but British cuisine is hugely underrated. If properly cooked it is usually stonkingly good.

  12. I would have to become a vegetarian

    Come now, you-who-condemn-all-hunting: isn’t this just the {nudge} you need?

  13. The problem, MP, is that we Yanks insist on stuffing the poor cattle with corn and other grain, to fatten them up. Guess what: the corn increases the acidity of the cattle’s stomachs. And what does that do? It increases the amount of E. coli in the cows’ guts, especially the very dangerous H:157 variety, which causes the really bad, sometimes fatal, food poisoning we have over here. Ths was the cause of the spinach E. coli outbreak of several years ago. The spinach farms were downstream from large cattle feed lots, and the waste from the cattle contaminated the spinach. Not only that, but the increased amount of E. coli leads to far greater incidents of food contamination in meat packing plants, endangering everyone. And guess what? If you stop feeding grain and corn to the cattle, in one week the stomach acidity is back down to normal, and the E. coli drop way down to normal levels as well. Think there’s a lesson there? And, as the spinach contamination shows, even the vegetarians aren’t safe…..