DOGGERS TO GET THE HORN

From THE TELEGRAPH:

Surrey County Council chiefs have discussed packing a field with cattle after a spate of complaints about outdoor public sex. More than 300 residents of Puttenham have written to the council complaining that a field near the Hog’s Back lay-by on the A31 was ‘being used for all kinds of sexual activity night and day’ by doggers.

They said that children at the Puttenham Church of England Infant School can see the couples from the playground and demanded the council ‘do something about it’.

Surrey County Council, however, refused to shut the lay-by and Hog’s Back Cafe down saying it would be ‘unfair on legitimate visitors’, but discussed various tactics to stop doggers congregating at the site – including putting bulls in the field.

Campaigner Jules Perkins said she was ‘devastated’ when the council said it would not close the lay-by. Speaking about the idea of putting bulls into the field to deter the doggers, Mrs Perkins said: “I have to say that some of the comments from the cabinet were quite frightening, such as the suggestion to put bulls in the field. What a ridiculous idea.”

Local Sarah Green, 32, said today: “How the council can sit there with straight faces and suggest putting a herd of bulls in a field to stop people having sex in it is almost too ridiculous to contemplate. Do they really think a bunch of perverts are going to be put off by a few bulls in a field? It will probably make them even more excited.”

COMMENT: Actually, Sarah, I think a field full of bulls would put all but the most stupid exhibitionist off taking his pants off al fresco. And the bulls would have a absolutely spiffin’ time chasing any half naked humans, foolish enough to brave it, around the field. I don’t think we should deny them their opportunity for such fun.

Comments

DOGGERS TO GET THE HORN — 9 Comments

  1. I agree entirely, MP.

    Additionally, it will give the school-aged children empirical evidence of homosexual behaviour of animals as bull-on-bull and cow-on-cow behaviour is quite commonplace. That should put the bull amongst the doggers, er, fox amongst the chickens.

  2. Yes, Tim.

    When I was on holiday the other week and our caravan was parked on a farm, I observed a cow, pissed off that the bull was taking too much notice of another cow, proceed to mount the bull – no doubt hoping to attract his attention towards her.

    I’ve never worked with cows and what surprised and moved me was how loving bulls and cows are towards each other and their offspring. They are really gentle and making love involves a lot of kissing and snuggling first.

  3. My children are embarrassed enough about the idea that old people like their mum have sex. We really don’t need to make it worse by forcing them to watch bulls too, as well as copulating couples.

    Seriously, have these people ever seen bulls in a field? Unlee you walk straight at them they’re as docile as anything.
    For once I’m with “them” – I’d hate my kids to be exposed to this.
    If only because you never learn to do it properly if you watch idiots in lay-bys.

  4. A common misconception is that bulls are more dangerous when they are with the ladies. Quite the opposite is true. When they are on their own they can be bad tempered and aggressive (although as Erika points out correctly, this is rare) but when they are with cows their minds are on far more enjoyable things than chasing people out of the field. Cows with young are
    most dangerous but even then, only if you behave threateningly towards them.

  5. I’m pleased to see that KJ the Bull is prudish.

    A “herd of bulls?” That individual would appear to be far removed from his/her agrarian roots.

  6. “Doggers”?

    [Only familiar w/ it, as one of my “nicknames” for the baseball team of Los Angeles, as used by fans of the baseball team of San Francisco (Magic # is 3, at this *moment* leading the Diamondbacks 2-1. GO GIANTS!!!! :-D]

  7. Thank you, JCF. What are these folks getting on about? Doggers? Lay-bys? Obviously, some unknown form of human life is having sex in full view of school children, but where exactly is completely indecipherable to the average American reader. As to whether or not bovines can prevent the same, that would seem to be anyone’s guess.