Posted by Kirstin at BAREFOOT AND LAUGHING:

WEDNESDAY: Some of you know I had a mass removed from my abdominal wall last week. They told me it was a lipoma; harmless something like 99% of the time.

My pathology report came back today, consistent with metastatic melanoma.

That is literally all I know. I expect my oncologist in Oakland to call me tomorrow; I'll do a phone consultation with him. And see the oncologist here (Stockton) who is not the one who tried to kill me two years ago. The very least it means is scans and probably more surgery. I don't even know the protocol, if interferon would be done a second time.

I don't know what it means for my ministries in Sacramento. I know I want to continue doing everything I can. And I know that right now, I feel physically fine.

Keep praying.

THURSDAY: I'm restless and I can't sleep. I'm nervous about the unknown; I'm not really afraid of sickness or of dying. It's... oh shit, here we go again. I know that I can do whatever this asks of me. I'm emotionally healthy and strong, and at least for now I feel physically well. I've done this before and I can do it again, though I won't know until tomorrow (at the earliest) what the protocol might be. I have no clue what my prognosis is. I can do interferon again if I have to--but I don't think that's a repeat choice. I've never been irradiated. The idea of radiation skeeves me, but I'll do it if it's what's in front of me. That's how you get through this: the next thing, and the next thing, and the next.

I know this is very hard to treat. I don't know what the treatment even is. And I know that I will never know I'm clean, again.

I feel like I'm betraying my body, if I don't trust it. But right now I don't know how to trust it. Body wisdom sounds like a lovely idea. My community flooded me with prayers tonight. I trust my people to be there. I trust God, though not for any specific outcome. I know I'm held and grounded in love.

I know I have now. That may be all I ever know.

I've been here before. I learned things that I will forever be grateful for; found strength that will help me through what is to come. But still. Fucking cancer.


Posted by Di at THE KITCHEN DOOR:

I'm struggling with an unbloggable situation, and as I've been holding a few friends in the Light, I realize we're all sharing one common need: courage. A specific kind of loving courage. One that lets us take care of ourselves.


Posted by Arkansas Hillbilly at HILLBILLY MUSINGS:

I spoke with Fr. Roger again today about going to see Bishop Benfield about starting the official discernment process. His answer? We're forming a pre-discernment committee to meet a couple times before approaching the Bishop. More red tape. Well, nothing worth doing is done quickly, I guess. It is frustrating. I mean I've spent the last 18 months working on the degree to get to this point. Well, if I can get my 4 year degree in 18 months while holding down a full time job and with a wife and two babies at home I think I can make it to the next step.

In the meantime, please pray for me that no matter what happens I accept whatever it is Christ has in store for me.

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THE PRAYER LIST — 4 Comments

  1. F***ing cancer indeed – cancer, gratuitous violence on the part of the cosmos against the human body. No point to it. No reason for it. F*** it. And I mean that prayerfully.
    Prayers for all.