For more than a hundred years the Free Church of Scotland has been governed by a strict Calvinist tradition — the singing of hymns has been prohibited. The austere but hauntingly beautiful sound of unaccompanied psalms has been the only music permitted in a Church which believes in maintaining the sanctity of the Sabbath.

Now, in a move which could divide its congregations, the Church — known as the Wee Frees — is considering overturning the ban in a belated bid to move with the times. Not only might hymns be sung, it is suggested, but they could even be allowed a musical accompaniment. A report is due to be published in the next few days, which will then be discussed at the Church’s General Assembly later this month.

COMMENT: Ah, the slippery slope to having sex with animals in public. Have the righteous of the Free Church of Scotland learned nothing from the evil revisionist experiments of those evil Episcopalians in America. The time has come for a new John Knox to be raised from the ranks of Scottish gnosticism to take on the Great Satan of hymn singing. I suggest Father Kelvin of St. Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow, is the man for the job.



  1. The Free Church are doing this simply so they can pick up the kirk’s conservatives when they hive off over meenisters who fancy ither men!

  2. I wonder if they will be hiring musicians? Jonathon is not the only one around here looking for work.


  3. My mother’s side of the family were all Covenanters (my maternal great-grandfather was a Covenanter preacher). They were very similar to, if not identical with, this bunch in your post. They to had no musical instruments (other than a pitch pipe) and sang metrical psalms acapella. Oddly enough they no longer exist and my mother’s relatives are now Congregationalists or mainstream Presbyterians.

    I used to descibe them this way: If it’s fun, its a sin.

  4. Well, I can summate Calvinist doctrine very neatly:
    “You can and you can’t, you will and you wont.
    You’re dammned if you do and dammned if you don’t!”

    But by beard ain’t up to it! Sorry MP!

    Word verification “undicer” – a person who cuts up Y-fronts?

  5. It would never work. He looks far too friendly. In a mad sort of way, to be sure, but very friendly all the same. The Wee Frees would never allow it.

  6. Come to think of it, you may have just the right, pugilistic attitude to be the new John Knox, Ruth.

    Yes, I definitely think you are double pre-destined to rescue the Wee Frees from the clutches of Hymn Singing Satan.

  7. Anonymous asked, “The ones who protested ferries running on Sundays?”

    …No. No. It’s too easy.