THE REAL NEWS

The tennis world is in mourning today after Scotsman, Andy Murray, turned out to be the alien from "Alien One" and ate Roger Federer who had just defeated him, three sets to love, in the final of the Australian Open.

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THE REAL NEWS — 8 Comments

  1. In dog obedience competitions you get a rosette (and often prizes) down to 6th. place). When you ask somebody afterwards how they have done (and they’ve come in the top six) they’ll excitedly tell you that they came 5th. or whatever, and wave their rosette at you.

    After the tennis yesterday, the BBC just kept going on about how Murray had lost.

    For feck’s sake, a Scotsman has come second in a major tennis competition. We should all be breaking open the best malt and singing “Scotland the Brave,” today, not feeling depressed because the lad lost against possibly the greatest tennis player ever.

    That’s the trouble with the world, nowadays. A good runner up place is considered to be worth no more than losing 3-0 in the first round. And as for the taking part – there’s no longer any joy in that because the only thing that matters is coming first.

  2. MP – well, absolutely. Tennis has always been a bit like that, though.

    You make dog obedience trials sound loads of fun.

  3. That would go a long way towards explaining why Tim Henman lost so many matches, if he was carrying Andy Murray around in his stomach.