England is a piddling little country. A heck of a lot of people are trying to live in it but geographically it is tiny. The distance between Penzance at the tip of Cornwall and Berwick Upon Tweed in the north of Northumberland is only 435 miles. You could drive between the two towns in less than 8 hours. This means that it is not unusual for me to bump into somebody I know when I'm on holiday, even when I am on the other side of the country to Newcastle.

The Church of England is even smaller and the members of the Church of England who are clergy, smaller still in numbers. Important English Anglicans should remember this when they make their pronouncements. You see, we all either know who they really are or we know someone who does.

This is a poem written by Paul and posted at


A plea to an Archbishop

I know it's not brilliant poetry but I think it meets the point.

Feel free to recycle it wherever you think useful.

We were in the Duck and Feathers,
if I remember aright, some
years before the Mitre, and some
were virgins still. I bought a round,
not lilies mind, and set it down
‘No worries,’ I said, ‘just be true
to yourself,’ trite, I know, but it
means more between the sheets, ‘for what
pleases you will surely pleasure
him.’ (Though I’m no longer convinced
that will work the other way around.)
‘Shut up.’ you said, ‘No-one asked you.’
I did; now look where we’ve got to.

No-one asked me for my views now.
But I reckon, Archbishop, that
the first hundred ’n fifty years
of any relationship is
bound to have its troughs and squalls and
some things said should not be said
and may surely be best forgot.
And you know it’s unwise, in the
midst of a domestic, for one
to decide that the thing to do
is to re-write the marriage vows:
for love hurries out the window
when orders are issued in bed.

And deep in the Rose and Compass
where they worry about such things
I guess they’re a wee bit concerned
at the vision they can see: an
Archbishop dons a papal crown
while Primates flock to Wippells to
sit for their cardinal’s gown, and
lawyers most costly consulting
with mercurial bureaucrats,
and Ancient and Modern revised
so the choir sing a single tune:
and family turns a business
when all must dance to a contract.

So please Archbishop, dear Archbishop,
for the sake of some angry words or a
few foolish acts and a little blackmail,
please don’t go signing this new covenant
or throw away your well-worn wedding ring.


Lesley's article, "Are Men more adulterous?" posted at

LESLEY'S BLOG is well worth a read and (for those
of you for whom such things are of interest) it contains
a photo of Marilyn Monroe looking very squeezable.


Finally, check out RECTOR'S RAMBLINGS where Father Kenny has posted the "Worst Picture of Jesus Ever?" It possibly is. But if you know of worse you can always email them into me and I'll make it possible for everybody to be inspired by them.



  1. Re Father Kenny’s pic of Jesus: yes, but we knew Jesus was gay.

    Re Lesley’s blog: Very interesting. I would never have said that Marilyn was in any sense “very ordinary” in her looks. Nice pic of Angelina.

  2. Ted Haggard, the anti-gay megachurch pastor caught in a rent boy plus meth scandal days before the 2006 election, had murals very much like this painted in his church. Just saying…..

  3. Very impressive. When I clicked over there, I doubted whether the worst picture of Jesus ever could possibly not contain an American flag; but this definitely tops them all. So to say.

    And I won’t apologize for the chauvinism. There happen to be some things that we just have a natural skill for over here. So congratulations to whoever perpetrated that one.