VATICAN PRODUCES CHRIST’S DEATH CERTIFICATEBUT STILL HANGS ON TO MARRIAGE LICENCE

This is truly amazing. Especially as it has been made
public in the same week that Professor Indiana MadPriest,
fundraising manager of The Newcastle Upon Tyne Museum
Services, released details of his latest discovery,
The Holy Driving Licence Of The Lord.

Comments

VATICAN PRODUCES CHRIST’S DEATH CERTIFICATEBUT STILL HANGS ON TO MARRIAGE LICENCE — 22 Comments

  1. MP, I hate to break it to you, but that is Jesus’ FAKE ID so he could get into bars when he was 17 – even with the full beard sometimes he had to whip this baby out to get pass the doorman.

  2. Oh for heaven’s sake….

    That blasted shroud was proven to be 13th century years ago- why does this nonsense persist?

    If the Vatican spent anywhere near the time on following Jesus’ example of inclusive love as it does on fantasy objects it would be a better world.

    The driving license though – now that’s a true and holy relic that shows he truly did share our nature.

    Wonder if somewhere there’s a holy speeding fine waiting to be discovered?

  3. I know that, Renz. In fact, I happen to know he got it from Leonardo Da Vinci, the best forger in Palestine at the time. Who, by the way, was supposed to fly in by helicopter at the last moment and save JC from the cross. Bloody thing never got off the ground.

  4. That would be the one where he got Mary Magdalene to tell the Roman Guard that she was driving at the time, harrytic. Well, he’d already got 6 points on his licence following his drink driving arrest after the Wedding in Cana.

  5. Between Pat Robertson and this crap, no wonder many think “Christian” is a fancy word for “idiot.”

    FWIW
    jimB

  6. I for one am glad to see that people still have respect for the Holy Middle Initial. I have actually encountered people, right here in the States where I believe the tradition originated, who look blank when the Initial is used.

    Particularly strange after 2008 when we discovered what the middle initial H stood for.

    Mark Twain used the Initial, by the way, in an anecdote set in 1860 or so. It provides the cap to a story of typesetting and revenge.

  7. The driving licence is an obvious forgery. They didn’t have the technology to make blue ink until many centuries later. The ones in Jesus’ day were all done in an orangy-redish colour.

  8. Leonardo Da Vinci… Who, by the way, was supposed to fly in by helicopter at the last moment and save JC from the cross.

    …and it’s been mine to bear ever since. Excruciating, it is! }-p

  9. “an Italian expert (from/for/on) the Vatican secret archives” has studied “The Roman Law (of/on/for) Palestine going back to 38 AD”

    Do they advertise for positions at the Vatican secret archives by open competition. Do you have to bring your own microscope and is there an albino monk with a drop dead physique who checks you in when you come to work?

  10. People should realise that the Turin Shroud is only a copy of the true and holy relic held by the Cathedral in Wenchoster. Here we possess the Holy Mandylion of Saint Veronica, an image of which can be viewed in the Cathedral virtual tour on our Diocesan website.

    Rupert Henry Philpott-Thrashington

  11. Erika – he’ll be that beardy bloke sitting behind the wheel of a Jag and looking rather dazed – apparently…

  12. I expect he’ll be driving towards the old boot flung over the power lines in Silver Street – it’s a well known dealer’s spot.
    What shall I do – citizen’s arrest? Or adoration and worship?

  13. Well, we only have the one, original driving licence, Greg. Fortunately, the professor discovered a whole stack of photocopies which JHC had the presence to individually sign himself, in biro. These will be put on sale on eBay just as soon as the professor’s new book, “Jesus – What Drove Him To Do It?” hits the bookshops later this year.