THE BABELICIOUS BISHOP X-FACTOR

Very early on in the life of OCICBW… we came to the conclusion that the second to top reason* that there was a lot of opposition to the idea of female bishops in the Church of England was that most of the ladies who had achieved episcopal status in other, more enlightened, provinces, although not being exactly bad-looking or anything, did have the look of the spinster schoolteacher or professor of marine biology about them. So, as a public spirited organisation, we immediately sought to remedy this situation and get the red-blooded heterosexual males of the English Church (and accidentally, the lesbian contingent, as well) on message by launching the OCICBW… Search For Bablelicious Bishops. We were looking for female priests in lowly orders who, simply because of their gorgeous looks, could be fast-tracked to the top jobs where, because being a bishop isn’t exactly rocket science, they could just sit there looking pretty. We believed that, because of the overall ugliness of our present bunch of male bishops, these ladies would soon become very popular with even the most “traditional” minded Anglo-Saxon man in the pew.

We found lots of stunners, very quickly. It’s not just ugly birds signing up for the priesthood in today”s Church. And they’re still turning up. In fact, I came across a real contender today in an article published in the Bermudan, ROYAL GAZETTE newspaper.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Reverend Joanna Hollis, who scores a massive “Yabba! Yabba! Yabba!” on the MadPriest patent Babeometer.

From the article:
Bermuda’s first female Anglican priest has spoken of the “significance and importance” of her groundbreaking new role.

Reverend Joanna Hollis was ordained in Santa Barbara, California on December 10 and has joined her father, Archdeacon Emeritus, Arnold Hollis in becoming an Anglican priest.

The Anglican Church of Bermuda only this year overturned 400 years of tradition and voted in favour of women clergy on the Island.

Rev. Hollis obtained a Masters in Divinity from the Church Divinity School of the Pacific in May and in June, was ordained as a Deacon in the Episcopal Church of United States.

She is now Associate Rector at the Trinity Church where she was ordained into the Priesthood.

Rev. Hollis spoke at her father’s church, yesterday morning, in what is deemed to be the first time a woman has preached there.

“I preached about spiritual blessings. Basically I talked about God’s love and grace is all around us and if we pay attention to what God is doing around us then we can recognise this love and this grace. I spoke about the spiritual blessing in Ephesians and I kind of compared that to the blessings of my mother.”

And I’m sure she preached very well. But the main thing is, the men in the congregation had something nice to look at.

I will be sending her details to our House of Bishops. A few of them are straight and I hope they will contact her soon with a view to making her England’s first episcopal babe.

*The main reason is that the Church of England still has a powerful, gay, Anglo-Catholic misogynist lobby. It’s an English thing that is due to loving one’s mother too much whilst hating her at the same time.

Comments

THE BABELICIOUS BISHOP X-FACTOR — 29 Comments

  1. We still have a male dominated HoB. Given that bishops Iker, Schofield, and Duncan were elected, we can be fairly sure good looks do not help with the voters. Someone in those elections, male or female had to be prettier. Those elections make the idea that the HoB is merit or intellect based pretty lame too.

    My current thesis is that the imp of the perverse is impersonating the Holy Spirit and some electors are to stupid to notice.

    FWIW
    jimB

  2. That’ll be down to the women voters, Jim. The ladies are not like us. They don’t understand the importance of gorgeous look in a leader. They will as happily vote for an ugly person as a beautiful person. Furthermore, all women, being the subservient sex, like to be told what to do. It’s in their nature. So, an ugly, dictatorial type, such as Duncan, is like strawberry jam to a wasp when it comes to women.

  3. You know, I would dismiss this view if there were no women among Bp. Duncan’s clergy. But there are, and they accept an official stained glass ceiling in his organization. So while some women certainly do not fit that model (you are about to hear big time from several!) at least a few idiots (err… ooppps, “ladies” yeah, make that “ladies!”) seem to exist.

    FWIW
    jimB

  4. I find this piece not at all funny – another crappy sexist thing for me to deal with or not. I know plenty of beauty boy bishops and the result it not pretty. Whatever happened to competence and compassion.

  5. I expect Ann was the victim of much sexist discrimination throughout her life. Of course, it would have been a lot worse if she wasn’t so glamourous herself. To be honest, I think she might be a bit annoyed that there wasn’t a Babelicious Bishop Competition around when she was climbing the greasy pole – and she would have stood a good chance of being in the final cut.

    Personally, I think you should be a bit more gracious about this, Ann. You should be supporting the up and coming babes, not standing in their way just because you’re no longer a spring chicken.

  6. We lost her to Santa Barbara, despite efforts to have her stay in the Bay Area. Their gain is truly our loss. Blessings on you, Joanna!

  7. Jonathan, although at times the best policy is to ignore the naughty boy, I believe that in this instance, silence would be complicity. This post is not amusing.

    Yes, I’m deliberately breaking my rule not to criticize you at your blog home. If the conversation was taking place in your real-life home, I would say the same without seeing myself as being rude.

  8. Not amusing?

    Fair comment.

    But it doesn’t really bother me as I was setting out to tease. And that seems to have been a complete success.

  9. I do not think this is teasing – this is just sexism. I am signing off to recover my interest in remaining in relationship with this blog. I am tired of pictures of half dressed or naked women – I am tired of these sorts of jokes.

  10. Oh dear. I came to the thread re this

    But the main thing is, the men in the congregation had something nice to look at.

    Not just the men (or bio-men), Swee’ Pea! < *>

    But then, Crazy Arse, you had to go and write

    The ladies are not like us. They don’t understand the importance of gorgeous look in a leader. They will as happily vote for an ugly person as a beautiful person. Furthermore, all women, being the subservient sex, like to be told what to do. It’s in their nature. So, an ugly, dictatorial type, such as Duncan, is like strawberry jam to a wasp when it comes to women.

    Yes, yes: you’re being sarcastic. But being that these thoughts are so commonly held by those men who are NOT being sarcastic when thinking them—and yet “The Wimmens” feel their effects anyway—the humor of the sarcasm is just lost in translation.

    [< *> And remember: some of your Babelicious (Potential) Bishops—like your aforementioned Rev. Winnie Varghese—are into babealicious wimmen-types themselves! ;-D]

  11. And remember: some of your Babelicious (Potential) Bishops—like your aforementioned Rev. Winnie Varghese—are into babealicious wimmen-types themselves!

    So? I’m not suggesting we all try and shag them. What do you think I am? Some sort of sexist redneck?

  12. ah, shoot me down in flames, I thought the implied sexism of this post was very much part of the joke, and I would have thought MP was about the last person who would mean it seriously. It’s all in a spirit of fun, yes? … Of course I’m not from round these parts. Or a real Anglican. Anyway, I thought it was amusing.

  13. Might as well use looks as the criterion for selecting bishops, as selecting for spiritual gifts doesn’t seem to be the criterion. And a babelicious woman couldn’t possibly be any worse than some bishops. That’s how I read this satire. Might as well have someone good to look at and break the stranglehold of males at the same time.

    But OCICBW…

  14. Well, that’s certainly a bonus for us, Lois. But the main purpose of this campaign is to override the misogyny of the English male anti-women brigade by appealing to their sexism. And I think the sexual imperative will win out over the bigotry.

  15. Satire and all aside – how does she get to be the first women priest in Barbados, but was ordained and is serving in TEC? I’m confused.

  16. To be borderline serious for a moment, she is following a long line of repressed people. I can recall several (darn good) female priests in the late 70’s and early 80’s who came here because England still would not affirm their obvious vocations.

    In fact, one would click the Babe meter quite hard, at least in my memory! Hmmm….

    FWIW
    jimB

  17. Sorry, I meant Bermuda…so Bermuda still doesn’t have any female priests…got it. I misunderstood the article or they didn’t really know what they were saying either.